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World Mental Health Day: My experiences with Generalized Anxiety Disorderclackapedia
*There's a ringing in my ear! *
*Why is it ringing? *
*Am I developing Tinnitus? *
*I should have worn ear plugs last night! *
*Other ear not as bad, is it just one ear? *
*Must of been that time i was close to the speakers in middle school! *
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
Was it the concerts?
*/Looks at ear, what's this spot by my ear? *
Has it always been there?
Is it melanoma?
I should go to a doctor!
This is the thought process I can go through if I start to have an anxiety attack, last year, it was with my ears ringing which would easily start they cycle. I know this can sound very strange if you have not been in this headspace, but sometimes its just one thing that spirals down into another, growing with each turn.
It can be hard to verbalize this, one of the best one's ive seen recently this excerpt from “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F”
“There’s an insidious quirk to your brain that, if you let it, can drive you absolutely batty. Tell me if this sounds familiar to you:
You get anxious about confronting somebody in your life. That anxiety cripples you and you start wondering why you’re so anxious. Now you’re becoming anxious about being anxious. Oh no! Doubly anxious! Now you’re anxious about your anxiety, which is causing more anxiety. Quick, where’s the whiskey?
Or let’s say you have an anger problem. You get pissed off at the stupidest, most inane stuff, and you have no idea why. And the fact that you get pissed off so easily starts to piss you off even more. And then, in your petty rage, you realize that being angry all the time makes you a shallow and mean person, and you hate this; you hate it so much that you get angry at yourself. Now look at you: you’re angry at yourself getting angry about being angry. Fuck you, wall. Here, have a fist.
Or you’re so worried about doing the right thing all the time that you become worried about how much you’re worrying. Or you feel so guilty for every mistake you make that you begin to feel guilty about how guilty you’re feeling. Or you get sad and alone so often that it makes you feel even more sad and alone just thinking about it.”
I don't know if i've always had anxiety and just never knew that is what it was, or if I developed it later in life, but in time, I started to notice it more and more it it started affecting my daily life.
Eventually I got assistance with therapy and medication and I am in a much better place now. I still occasionally see myself going into “that place” but I am much better prepared and can talk my way out of it.
Actually, last week, I noticed a ringing in my ears again. This time however, I just thought “That's strange, let's see if it's there and the morning.” A few minutes later I noted it in OmniFocus to discuss as this the last year it played out as the introduction.
I am sharing this story because I want people to know you're not alone out there, there is such a stigma against getting help or recognizing that you have mental illness that people should look into getting help never do, which is a shame because there are wonderful resources out there!
Please know you are not alone out there.
For further reading I highly recommend this Lifehacker Article.